Friday, October 29, 2010

mode:jiwa kacau..

roses are red..

violet are blue..


u may not know it..
 how much i  _ _ _ _ YOU!!!
.................................................................

Ku lari ke hutan 


Kemudian menyanyiku,


Ku lari ke pantai 



Kemudian teriakku

Sepi..sepi dan sendiri aku benci

Aku mahu bingar…aku mahu di pasar



Bosan aku dengan penat

Dan enyah saja kau pekat

Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri

Pecahkan saja gelasnya 



Biar ramai..biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

Aihh..ada malaikat menyulam jaring labah-labah

belang



Di tembok keraton putih

Kenapa tak goyangkan saja locengnya 

Biar terdera

Atau aku harus lari ke hutan

Belok ke pantai????





Thursday, October 28, 2010

today is the day..

28hb of oct 2009..
hari die menghembuskan nafas terakhir..
meninggal kn mak,abh,along,daus,haikal..
scooter naivo,kasut2 basketball,comics slumdunk..etc..
n me.....
xnk igt tp xkn lupe tarikh nie..
hari aku kehilangn org yg ku sayangi..
YA ALLAH..KAU saje yg tahu betapa hancur luluh nya hatiku..
disaat aku perlukan dia..tibe2 die hilang dr pandangn mate..
dikala hati nie masih..masih terlalu sayang kn die..
die pergi tanpa pesan..
n..aku..
aku xsempat memohon kemaafan drnya..
aku xsempat pon nk menatap wajahnya buat kali terakhir..
n selamanya tidak akn dapat lagi...
sedih..
xtahu nk luah kn pada spe..
rase mcm nk jrit nk ckp betapa aku sedih..
jaoh..jaoh aku cmpk kn kesedihn aku selama 1thun nie..
aku cuba harungi hidup ku selama 1 thun nie tnpa die..
susah...
susah sgt2...
asyik terigt..asyik terbyg...
org asyik ckp..sudah la tue redha kn la die pergi..
ye..aku redha..
aku dh ckp byk kali yg aku redha..
tp aku manusia biase jgk..msti ade jugak rse ralat dihati..
msti terdetik knape msti die?
masih byk mnde yg aku nk share ngn die..
masih byk mnde aku nk bgtaw die..
n aku slalu berfikir..
kalau la die masih ade..
tp smpi bile2 pon die xkn ade dh..
peritnya nk terima kenyataan tue......
.....................................................................................................................
tp kebenaran mmg kadang mmg menyakit kn..
walaupun ssh..
hidup msti diteruskan..
perginya eupa is not the end for ayg..
n  pa always said..
"every moment is another changes..."
ye...mylife had change a lot when u r gone pa..
tp setiap yg berlaku..
pasti ade hikmahnya..
n i really2 looking forward with that..
ALLAH..sentiasa ada untuk adila..
sentiasa ade..whenever n wherever..
untuk eupa..
whenever u r now..
u will always in myheart..at the corner that i always place u there..
n..
i'll always pray,pray n pray..u will be wif para solihin..insyaALLAH
eupa..
thanx for keep ur promise........
YA ALLAH..berkati la roh mohd azrin haffiz ini
sesungguhnya aku sayang padanya.....


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

ibu....

ibu..
i miss mymum..
so damnly n badly..
really want to hug n kiss her now..
emm..really miss the tyme dat we always spend together..
go to shopping,watching muvies,lepak kt mamak,gossiping n etc.. 
ibu...
there is no words that i cn described how much i love her..
n nobody cn replaced her in my heart..
because she is queen in myheart..
omaaa~..saranghae..^-^
YA ALLAH..
KAU pelihara dan lindungi la ibu ku ini..
jauhi dia dari segala perkara buruk..
tabah dan sabarkn hati nya dalam menempuh segala dugaan 
dan cubaan ke atasnya..
sesungguhnya...aku teramat sayang padanya..

wif ibu ku yg tersayang..

Sunday, October 24, 2010

kesederhanaan..

afiqah nordin..
itula name sahabt ku semase dibngku skola rendah..
dulu die nie cm tomboy ckit..tp teror speaking..
lme xjmpe die..n lme xcntct die..
tibe2..td die add kt fb..
terkejut gk tgk die..
die dh byk berubh..dh pkai tudung labuh..
n..paling terkejut..
tgk die dh kawin..
bah..awl jgk kawin..umor bru 21thun kot..
emm..then explore la fb die..
nk tgk la gmbr kawin die..
tibe2 rse terkejut..n terdetik dihati nie..
sgt bersederhana...
di mjlis pernikahan..
dia hnya memakai sehelai jubah berwarna putih dan bertudung biasa..
xde pon secalit make up ke kt muka..or any accessories kew kt bdn or kepale..
manakala suami nya hnye berjubah putih..
majlis nya pon hnye dihadiri beberapa saudara mara terdekat..
sgt bersederhana kn?
YA ALLAH..tibe aku rse kagum ngn die..
sgt bersederhana mjlis tue..di zaman serba moden nie..
die memilih hnya bersederhana..
aku yakin die mampu je nk tempah bju yg cntik2..n vogue2 ag..
tp die memilih utk hnya bersederhana..!
mungkin pd afiqah dan pasangan nye..
akad nikah adalah lebih pnting utk sesebuah perkahwinan..

ye..aku mula la nk mengcompare diri aku ngn die..
jaoh beza nyeewww..
aku nie blom ape2 ag...calon pon xde ag dh plan mcm2..
nk wat cmnie la..nk colour nie la..nk wat kt mane la..nk jmput sape nnt la..
mcm2 la....!!
fuhh..xbleh ke adila pon bersederhana sperti itu?
emm..duduk berfikir dr td..
fikir..
fikir..
tp..aku nk jd raja sehari jgk..nk gk rse cm raja walau sehari..
tp....bersederhana tu kn lebih baik....
hmmm...
pkir nnt2 la..
watpe la dok sibuk2 pkir skang..
calon pon xde..huhu..<sedey je..>



kerana dean..^-^

suddenly..
everyone need to go bck to ums..
emm..at 1st rse cm malas je nk blik kk...
meredah 6hours dlm bas..pegi blik dh 12jam..
silap2 leh pth pinggng..huhu..
but then..bila dgr dean anta bas 2bijik bas semata2 nk jmput kteorg yg jaoh di sandakan nie..
tibe2 rse cm..serius je nie..ada pape yg pntg sgt kew?
tkot gk..mne la taw pggil blk sbb nk mrh kteorg sume..
redha jela..
then..pulang la kami ke kk..
along the journy..tgk pemandangan kt luar..
rse cm..subhanaallah...
cntiknyeww ciptaan MU YA ALLAH..
1thing that i like most abot sabah..
ialah..view yg cntik sgt..
gunung ganang,laut,pokok2,sawah padi...cntik sgt..
apetah ag tgk gunung kinabalu 2..
mak aii..tgginyeww..
cntik sesgt..sgt kagum ngn ciptaan tuhan nie..
emm..back to tujuan kepulangn kami..
laa..rupenyew..dean nk bg syarahan perdana..
"rural health the way forward"..
terharu lak tgk dean kt ats pntas 2..xsngka dean dh achieve mcm2 in his life..
tibe2 rse admire him..
as a muslim n malay guy..he able to achieve so many things in his life..
n able to challenge other people..
n..syarahan perdana nie pon 4 him to cmplete his profession before retired..
hhmm..so sad..if he retired soon..xdpt tgk lelaki yg sgt berjasa pd school of medicine UMS nie..
then..ble dh abeh ceremony tue..
dpt la jmpe dean..n amek gmbr ngn dean..
terharu sgt ble dgr dean ckp..
"trima kasih sudi datang..."
bah..mstila sudi..dean punye psl ke bulan pon snggp..hahaha..


then..alang2 dh blik kk kn...
msti la xsah klu xg ke 1b..
emm..tibe2 rse cm nk mkn kenny rogers..
last mkn kenny rogers pon ngn arwah haffiz..<uhuhu..sedey lak..>


after mkn..tibe2 terjmpe nisa n kmbar die..
bah..sme gler mke diorg nie..
senyum..suara..glak..sume same la..
dh kate kmbr kn..huhu..
tibe2 rse cm best je ade kmbr..
leh wat org conpius tgk..hehe..
then..klu ade prob or maleh g exam..leh soh kmbr g replace..
haa..org bkn taw pon kn..huhu..
apepon..
best gk dpt blik kk dis tyme..
 walaupun..semua bdn ku sakit2 dok dlm bas..
tp mengenangkn dean ku syg..
xpela..layan kn aje~..hehe..

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

chronologi of our story...

30hb may 2003..
1st tyme i met him..at kem al-azhar,pantai morib..
we r in the same group..group 12..
i didnt notice him..just knowing his name..but not even talk much with him..
till end of the program..at the 1 corner..
we chat for a while..n starting to know him..
we exchange phone no. n wishing gudbye to others..then he went back to his place n me as well..
but dats not the end..
he started to contact me..
we become a very good fren..
till...
25hb june 2003..
we a became a partner..
haha..monkey love..
at the age of 14years old..n he is 15years old..
making a love like a monkey..hehe..
but hepy..n enjoy mylife with him..
even we are staying far away..
but we will met once in month..
go to window shopping,watching muvies,playing a games n etc..
then..our relationship was known by his parents..
ok..his parents dun like it..
yela..we all still a kids..ade hati nak bercinta..cehh..
hehe..ok fine...
bertindak mengikut arahan..baru bukan ank derhaka..hehe..
then..we end our relationship..
then..on year of 2005..
i met u again..in friendster..
at that tyme..u have ur own n me as well..
but we still cn become a good frens like before we did..
then..suddenly..we lost cntct again..
then..xtaw npe..gatal tgn nie nk cntct him balik..
at that tyme..u n me dun have anybody anymore..
<cewah..nie la peluang..haha>
then..ayat..punye ayat..
i fallin again with him..
dunno y..myheart really hard to forget about him..
dunno what is so special about him..
appearance?emm..ok la..
personality?much more better than other guy i met before..
20hb october 2007...
we became a partner again..
i still remember..at that tyme...
he let me hear 1song..
then..u give me a one rose pink in colour..
n a bottle of stars..
n ask me to be with him AGAIN..
so..wht cn i say..hehe..
bottle of stars...


emm..then i realize...wut so special about him
die seorg yg sgt..sgt..sgt..n sgt penyabar..
melayan kerenah adila albar nie..
everytyme we fight..die xpernah meninggikn suara..
die selalu beralah..
kalau die merajuk..die pujok diri sendiri..
y me xg pujok die?bcoz i didnt notice pon ble die merajuk..
huhu..wat kind of gf la..
he is very caring and romantic person..
once he love someone..he will do everything and sacrifice for u..
on mybufday..at that tyme i was at matric johor..
he went there..to make a suprise for me..
he bring along a bouquet of flower..
bah..all the way from selangor he came to johor by his beloved naivo je..
i'm so touch at that tyme..
then..everyday in myday..
he always showering me with his love..
he will sing to me the songs..
he will hear all myproblem n try to help me..
he will comfy me when i feel very stress..
he will be always there whenever i need him....
make me..fallin..deep..deep..n deepeer.on him..
20hb october 2008..
we still in our  own world..
celebrating our 1st annivesarry at genting highlands..
playing games...n went to snow world..
hepy..so hepy at that tyme..
without reliazing that it is the 1st n last we can celebrate anniversary together..
it is because...
Feb 2009..
he start to feel pain on his left leg..
the pain was increasing n it is swollen..
his ignorance make his condition become worst..
then..he was admitted to hkl..
doctor suspected he have a tumour at that leg..
benign?ok..it will cure..
but if it is malignancy?macam mane?
worried..
worried sesgt....
then..at that tyme his conditon become very3 worst..
he not able to walk anymore..he use a wheel chair to move now..T_T
then on...
April 2009..
his diagnosis had come out..
he was diagnose to have Ewing's sarcoma..
n..at the last stage..the cancer cell had spread to his lungs..
dark..that is only the thing that i cn see at dat tyme..
he cried on me..
cried very badly..
he never cry in front of me..but that night he cried..
he said..die dah jd OKU..
he will not able to support me anymore..
he will not able to make me hepy anymore..
n he ask me to left him..
how cn i left him in dis situation..
the tyme when he really need a support..
rse mcm nk lari balik semenanjung n jmpe die..jage die..
he need me..
he never told me that words..but i know he want me to be there..
die xpnh mengeluh kesakitan..padahal die merasakn kesakitan yg teramat sgt..
i try to give him support..even dari jaoh..
i want him to know that i really3 care about him..
at that tyme..
i realize that i really cannot loss him..
no..i cnnot live without him.....
please dont take him from me..
i pray harder..cry a lot..
really dunno wut to do..i want to be there for him..
but can not..
tibe2 rse mase tue npe la jd doctor lmbt sgt..
rse cm dirini useless sgt ble xleh nk tlg die sdgkn die sdg sakit..
i send msg to him every morning n before sleep..
give motivation..
even he was not replied my message..its ok..
as long as he can read..n know wut i feel dat tyme..
September2009..
it is hari raya..
i went to his house..
celebrate raya togther..
hepy..to see his smile..
he smile a lot..
talk a lot..
n always said that he love me..
thanx.....
i feel really3 hepy..
i thought his condition become improve due to chemotherapy..
even..there is no more hair..no eyelashes..he still look like my man at that tyme..
4hb october 2009..
i went back to peninsular again for my sister wedding..
hope cn meet him again..
n i had the chance to see him..
before i went back..he stare at me..
pandangan yg penuh bermakna..
die mcm nk ckp sesuatu tp mcm xsmpi..
then..i said to him..
"tggu ayg blik k..nnt ayg cuti ayg jge eupa"
die angguk kepala n nmpk mata bergenang air mata je..
i went back..n hoping that there is many time left for me n him..
20hb october 2009..
it is our annivesary..
he cll me..to celebrate annivesary togther..
at that tyme..he cannot talk to much..
he had shortness of breath..
only a few words cn be heard..
nvrm...it is enough for me..
very2 enough for me to hear his voice..
n i really dunno that is the last tyme i cn hear HIS voice..
25hb october 2009
his conditon getting worst..even worst than before..
he cannot even to speak anymore...
he was admitted to hospital....
he cannot breath himself..need a oxygen support..
i want to go home!!!!!!!1i want to see him at that tyme..but at that tyme was a study week for final exam..
how come i can be ok after hear his condition..
then..doctor decide to give him radiotheraphy..
his condition improve a bit..
he can eat..his mother said he can eat bubur n sup n eat very a lot..
hepy..im so hepy to hear that..
n wish..i can meet him soon..
28hb october 2009
1.30pm...
abah call (his father)...abah said..
"dila..apis nie dah tenat..die nk dgr suara dila..abh letak hp kt telinga die..dila ckp la ye..tp die xleh bercakap dah 2..tp bleh dgr..."
huh?wut cn i say at that tyme..while crying i said..
"eupa..tggu ayg balik..msti tggu  ayg balik........"cry..cry..n cry..
dunno wut to do..i just cry..
i only able to say that 2 words..xmampu dh nk sebut ape2 dh..
abah took the hp n said he was crying aso..n his breathing mcm dh laju..
n abh soh doakn yg terbaek for him..
then..me n my frens dduk bce yassin..
after finish it..
i just lying on the bed for a while..try to relax my mind...
suddenly..there is one cll...
3.30pm..
abh call again..
abh said..
"dila..apis dh xde..doakn la die...ok bye"
blackout.......wut?
................................................
ya allah..beratnya ujian nie ya allah..
i really cnnot think..
cannot even to stand anymore..
really dun want to believe wut i had heard ...
how come he left me alone in this world..
how come...........................................
xsempat nk minx maaf..aku byk wat slh ngn die..
xsempat bgtaw die..how much i love him...
n..i really2 need him...
im not ready to loss him..
im not prepared myself without him....
cry..cry..cry..n cry..
i rushing went back to peninsular..
tp..xsempat tgk jasad die buat kali terakhir...
die dh dikebumikan....
hnya kubur die je dpt aku kunjungi....
i cnnot hear his voice anymore..
i cnnot hear his laugh anymore..
i ccnot see his smile..
i cnnot see his face..
i cnnot hear he said.."ayg~...."
i cnnot..cnnot..cnnot....
20hb october 2010
it is still our annivesarry day..
hepy annivesarry eupaku..
wherever u now..hope u hear that..
now im alone..
im crying..but not because of sad..
because..
truly,crazly,badly,damly miss EUPA!!!!!!!..
i really miss him..
wut can i do...
ya allah..kuatkan hatiku nie ..
untuk tempuhi hari2 yg mendatang..
jika ini yg terbaek untuk die..aku redha pemergian die.....
aku relakn pemergian die....
ya allah..kau tempatkan la..
mohd azrin haffiz ini  bersama2 org yg KAU rahmati...
sesungguhnya..aku sayang padanya......T_T


EUPA~..

Monday, October 18, 2010

bila cinta...

bila cinta kini..
xlagi bermakna..yg ku rasa kini hnyala nestapa..
ditinggalkn cinta msa lalu...
dulu kau tawarkn manisnya janjimu..
dan ku sambut itu..
dengan segenap hatiku..
hingga engkau pergi tinggalkn ku..
hilangnya cintamu..
menusuk hatiku..
hingga ku memilih..
cinta yg fana..
perginya dirimu..
merobek jantung ku..
hingga ku terjatuh dalam harapan..
ku sebut namamu disetiap doa ku..
bangkitkn setia kenangan tentang mu..
yg ku dapat hnya la bayang mu...


Sunday, October 17, 2010

pagi yg sihat lg kenyang..^-^

hari ini..
4 the 1st tyme..we went to kompleks sukan sandakan..
bah..xsangka..kt sane ade tmn rekreasi..
ade mcm2 gelanggang permainan..
gelanggang tenis 
pdg hoki..<bah..windunyeww nk maen hoki..>
trek balapan..
padang bola..
n mcm2 ade la..
then..we all sume berjalan menuju ke tmn rekreasi yg ade tasik yg luas ditengah2 nyew..
ble dh smpi tmpt yg baeekk punye..
we start our event ngn sedikit pengisian dr ema n leena..
then..after dgr tazkirah n sharing thought n disscussion..
we all pon g jungle trekking..
konon tulih kt situ 500m jew..
ble dh jln..ckit punye jaoh gk..haha..
cm cover album lak..hehe..gnti super junior~
then..pas dh jumpe jln kuar..
continue jogg pulak...
bru 1 round dh penat..bah..ini la akibat ble lme x exercise..
huhuhu..



                                                                         
then...saat yg ditggu2.. 
tyme for eat!!!!!!!!!!!..huhuhu..
haa..amek ko..bkr lemak ckit je..
tp makanan ckit punye mcm2..
ade spagetti,bihun goreng,kentang goreng n..
paling penting ade cake choclate for nisa n amyra's bufday..


yummmy~..choclate cake..home made^-^


makan n trus makan!!huhu..